


we're only fools

by ndhzt



Series: BLUE NEIGHBOURHOOD [2]
Category: EXO (Band), Z.Tao (Musician)
Genre: Aromantic - Relationship - Freeform, Aromantic Character, Asexual - Relationship - Freeform, Asexual Character, M/M, tiny sads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-17 23:29:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15472497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ndhzt/pseuds/ndhzt
Summary: "I'm scared...scared of this."Jongdae’s eyes softened at his words. He raised his hand to Zitao’s shoulder, sliding up to the back of his neck and squeezing just subtle enough, the way he knew Zitao found comfort in, and it made the younger breakdown into tears.





	we're only fools

                “I don’t wanna lose this.”  
                Zitao found himself whispering in the crook of Jongdae’s neck, his eyes closing to stop the sudden onslaught of tears that waved over him. Jongdae said nothing, only let a soft sound hum in the back of his throat.  
                “Lose what?” his voice pushed gently, not wanting to force Zitao to say anything but not wanting to let him drift away again, too far to reach.  
                Zitao curled up tighter, draping his arms around Jongdae’s shoulders to hide himself even more. “Everything. These weekends, our texts, just…you.”  
                Jongdae allowed himself to laugh, a small, soft sound, not at all demeaning or condescending. Another thing Zitao didn't want to let go of. “You won’t lose me, Tao; I’m not going anywhere.”  
                Zitao had the urge to bite him, frustration flaring up for just a moment before it quieted down to nothing under his quick realization- Jongdae understood, he just didn’t want to admit to it, admit to what Zitao meant.  
                “You’re only here for one more night.” he said instead, his fingers finding purchase in Jongdae’s hair, tugging gently at the grown out ends. “Then you go back to your schedule, and I go back to mine as if we've never known each other.” he swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. “I don’t...want that to be routine.”  
                Jongdae was quiet, the only thing filling the room was the subtle whirr of his laptop and Zitao’s own breathing. A beat passed and Jongdae put his hand on Zitao’s arm, squeezing it for both of their comfort.  
                “What do you suggest we do?” He said, voice barely there, only for them to hear. “We both value our careers too much to just stop.”  
                “We don’t _have_ to stop,” Zitao retorted, sudden heat in his words. “We don’t have to give anything up, we can just- just go public, we can tell everyone to just fuck off if they don’t like us seeing each other, we can-”  
                “Zitao.” Jongdae interjected, his voice still so soft, even as Zitao’s breathing picked up. “There’s more to worry about than just telling others to fuck off. We both could get into legal trouble for even being in the same room.”  
                “So what?” Zitao drew back, his temper getting to him. “I’m tired of having to hide away, Jongdae. I’m tired of being afraid that we won’t be able to see each other again, that- that you’ll find someone easier to be with when you’re gone!”  
                Regret bloomed in his chest as soon as the words passed his lips. Jongdae looked to him with a blank curtain over his expression, but he knew his words had stung. “You think I’ll just leave you, Zitao?” he spoke quietly, a stark contrast to Zitao’s projected voice. “Don’t you trust me enough to know I wouldn’t leave you over something like that?  
               Zitao’s throat closed up, any words he had dissolving into a sour taste at the back of his mouth, making him grimace. He trusted Jongdae more than he trusted himself. He was just being realistic- or at least he thought he was. They both spent thousands of dollars to just be in the same country together, spent countless days and nights carefully planning a day they could see each other, even for just a small dinner or drive around town that they couldn't even fully enjoy in fear of being caught. Wouldn’t anyone get tired of it?  
                A beat, and he forced himself to speak, not wanting to leave Jongdae with nothing. “Chen,” he started, swallowing thickly. He had so many things to say, so many emotions to describe and to verbalize, but it was too difficult to even think of a proper explanation.  
                “I’m scared...scared of this.”  
                Jongdae’s eyes softened at his words. He raised his hand to Zitao’s shoulder, sliding up to the back of his neck and squeezing just subtle enough, the way he knew Zitao found comfort in, and it made the younger breakdown into tears. He hid himself back against Jongdae, burying his face in his neck and holding onto him so, so tightly, as if he was going to disappear the moment he let go. He was at least able to breathe again when Jongdae held him close just as tightly.  
                It went without saying, Zitao was new to everything Jongdae seemed more experienced in. Whether it was concerning careers or even things as simple as living on their own, Zitao was at a setback, and Jongdae knew this and taught him as much as he could with their situations, but they both knew he couldn’t teach him how relationships work, let alone something like love. They both were still deciding whether what they had was even romantic or long term, seemingly content with the unanswered questions until they kept coming up again and again, drawing their strings tighter each passing day until they were ready to fray and snap.  
                Jongdae was soft, softer than Zitao expected him to be, and even when Zitao said dumb things or asked questions that an answer seemed obvious to, he always gave him such a warm smile and would be patient with whatever was needed at the time. Zitao felt safe and at home with him, which made their departures all the more difficult each time.  
                “Taozi,” Jongdae gently roused him as he ran his hand through the distressed man’s hair, not wanting him to spiral into something he couldn’t get him out of. “It’s okay to be scared. You’re not alone in what you’re feeling, I want the same things you want, maybe even more. I don’t fear anything we may become, I trust that we’ll know what’s right- _in time_.”  
                “How long?” Zitao’s voice shook, finally matching up with the quietness Jongdae gave. “How long, ChenChen? I don’t want to wait any longer than we have already.”  
                There was no response, not immediately. Only a soft sigh as Jongdae held Zitao closer, comforting touches keeping him from getting too lost in his thoughts. Then,  
“I can’t say, Taozi. I just need you to trust me. Can you do that?”  
                Of course he could. Zitao trusted Jongdae with everything. The sleepless nights that they'd spend just whispering into their phones like they were teenagers trying to keep quiet from their parents- even if Zitao’s boisterous laughter would break that hush-, the days he felt too heavy to even speak, the times he would be so wrung out all he could do was sit during their calls and cry out nonsense as Jongdae offered his comforting, grounding words. Zitao would even consider giving up his career in a few years time if it meant they could just be _together_.  
                “I trust you.”  
                Jongdae’s face broke out into a smile, one that didn't quite reach his eyes. “Thank you.”  
                Even with the hope of it all working out somehow, Zitao knew they didn't have much time left.

**Author's Note:**

> hello~~ thank you for reading '^' i hope,,,it makes sense sdknfksdnffgd
> 
> based on troye sivan's song FOOLS


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